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Ban A Gun, Kill Some Children!

April 8th, 2008

I stumbled upon this article about the fact that gun control is bad for your health. The author, Stephen McCreary, obviously took logic in school and put it to good use. The gist of the article points to the fact that if “guns are outlawed, law abiding citizens will be sitting ducks”.

Every time the government bans the carrying of firearms in a given location, they let the crazies know that they can now go there and shoot people with less fear of retribution. In other words, if guns are outlawed in schools, and I’m a crazy, I know I can go to a school and shoot a ton of students before someone shows up with a gun. Or, put another way, banning guns doesn’t mean shit to the shooter, you dumb ass politicians, since the shooter has already made up his mind to break the law by shooting a bunch of people. WTF are you dumbasses thinking?

Here’s the Shooters line of reasoning, which is way better than the dumbasses who made the laws:

  1. I’m going to shoot a bunch of people today!
  2. Where should I go to shoot people today?
  3. Where can I go that has the most targets?
  4. Where can I go that has nobody else with a gun?
  5. Where am I going to be able to run up the highest body count?

“Hey, I know, I’m going to a school, because the politicians made guns illegal there!
Uh Oh, It’s illegal to take a gun to school!”

“Oh, Wait, I don’t give a shit that it’s illegal to carry a gun onto school property because I’m already going to be breaking the law by shooting a bunch of people. I’m pretty sure I’ll get less time for the firearms conviction than I will for the 23 people I’m going to shoot…”

Holy Crap Batman, even the crazy kiddie shooters are smarter than our politicians!

Mayor of CrazyTown Idiot Town. (I’m not a politician, I’m a Dictator… I wasn’t elected!)

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Posted in Stupid Politicians | 1 Comment »

Messing With Scientologists

April 7th, 2008

I don’t know about you, but Scientologists scare the bejesus out of me. As the proud owner of Scientologyporn.com, I felt their wrath once from afar, and will never cross paths with their loving and understanding lawyers again; if given a choice. All they had to do was give me a loving phone call and tell me the error of my ways, and I dropped that puppy like it was on fire. I’m pretty sure you can still get that domain if you’re dumb enough to want to mess with the likes of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes or John Travolta.

Of course, it was just going to be a joke, like AdventistPorn.com. I even did a few other “Porn” sites over the years, for the fun of it, never meaning any harm to anyone. I mean com’mon, amishporn.com was going to have like a TV and a Phone on it all blurred out, and I used to have OfficialMormonPorn.com which had a Starbucks blocked out. I was even going to do a BaptistPorn.com and blur out an exposed ankle. The problem is that none of these sites really did any damage, and they were funnier than hell to me personally. I mean, what’s the harm in taking a little stab at a religion, as long as it’s in good taste? Right? But, I digress, we were talking about the Scientologists.

So, the New Zealand Herald Blog, is running a story about Tom Cruise and weed, and I’m too afraid to touch it with a 10 foot pole, so if you are interested, go on over there and read “the rest of the story”, as Paul Harvey would say.

So, welcome to my first “Foolio said What” post. I’m sure the nice lawyer guys and gals at Scientology are going to visit that poor Bast*rd in New Zealand and he will see the error of his ways. Look for the retraction, and maybe a “Foolio Changed His Story” category in the days to come. LOL

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Posted in Foolio Says What? | No Comments »

New Drunk of Idiot Town

April 5th, 2008

I made my wife take the alcohol test, and she passed too. As a matter of fact, we sat around and drank 4 bottles of wine before she even took the test. I was afraid that she studied too hard and would actually pass out before the test, but she persevered and nailed it. LOL

While I’m an Alky, and scored a 97%, my wife, the drunk that she is, scored a 100% and won the Alky of the year award. Nothing like letting the world champ of boozers watch your kids. I asked her the other day what the kids were doing, and she said they were out in the garage crushing Ice and making martinis. At 4 and 7 years old, what tools were they using to crush the ice, and who was holding the ice and who was hitting it with the BFH? The whole thing made me nervous as hell until I tried her Martini; damn those kids know what they’re doing!

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Posted in Town Drunk | 1 Comment »

Village Idiot/Town Drunk: Kathleen Turner

April 4th, 2008

Of course, if I was going to nominate a Town Drunk & Village Idiot Combo Pack for today, it would have to be Kathleen Turner.

FoxNews ran a story that Kathleen Turner lost in court today to Nicolas Cage. Cage Was suing Turner over allegations in her book, Send Yourself Flowers, that he stole a dog and was arrested for drunk driving a couple of times. Or, was it for ridding in a stolen car with a drunk dog? Either way, Turner lost and now has to pay an undisclosed amount of money to the charity of Cage’s choice.

What I don’t understand is why she didn’t make up a good story, like the fact that she caught him in her trailer after a shoot one time wearing her clothes, dancing with a stolen dog and drinking Tequila with a couple of male strippers. Or she could of told about the time Nicolas Cage killed her drunk dog and then stole a couple of her DUI tickets out of her glove box.

The deal is, if you’re going to tell lies, make them good, with just a hint of crazy so that the judge knows you were kidding.

See what drinking and writing will get you? Lack of creativity!

The Mayor of Stupidville IdiotTown

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Posted in Town Drunk, Village Idiot | No Comments »

The Idiot Town Drunk

April 4th, 2008

I took my drinking test today, and passed, thank God. I think I’m the new town drunk. I answered every question correctly, and only needed one clue. Here’s my score:

97%ALCOHOLIC

That’s Mr. Mayor to you; FOOL!

… Hic, Hic…. Rallllfff. Excuse me while I puke in the gutter. LOL

Posted in Town Drunk | No Comments »

Stare Hard Retard!

April 4th, 2008

My wife and I were discussing the fact tonight that we know a bunch of stuff that is going to die with us because we can’t pass it on to our kids. We can’t use the “N” word, and we can’t disparage minorities anymore, even though we are now the minority. But the biggest WTF was when we realized we wouldn’t be able to pass on all the cool shit we said when we were kids.

The block in our road is called PC, or political correctness. No longer can you say, “Fatty, fatty two by four, can’t get through the fricken bathroom door.” Since the current “Fatty” is protected because they have a medical problem that now classifies them as obese. Nor can you say, “yea, I nigger rigged it”, or “nice nigger rigging”, when someone takes some shit and puts it together with shoestrings and bubblegum. Now it’s called MacGyver, as in You MacGyvered the shit out of that….

But, we decided that the one we are going to miss the most is “Stare hard Retard!” Man I loved that one when I was a kid. It later evolved into “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer?”, but let’s be for fricken real here; “Stare Hard Retard” is a classic. It really says it all, you know what I mean, the person is staring at you with their mouth open and a little bit of drool starting to form in the corner of their mouth. They really don’t have anything to offer you other than their adoration for your good looks or prowess on the football field, and they aren’t even good looking enough to be your second string F*ck of the night. In other words, they are the guys and girls that heard “Stare hard Retard”, from the Jocks and Cheer Leaders as they drove off to the Keggers after the game.

If you were one of those people, I don’t really apologize, since you were a loser, but if your hot now, and still want an old, has been jock, drop me a line and I’ll do you now…

Man I suck. No wonder I’m Mayor of Loser Town. Wait, that’s Mayor of Idiot Town to you loser. LOL

Posted in I-D-10-Tango | 1 Comment »

“The Police Asked Nice, So I Said Yes.”

April 3rd, 2008

I learned at a young age, like 4 or 5, to lie to the police or any other adults who asked me a question, when I knew a truthful answer would get me in trouble. Here are some examples:

My Mom asked me, “Did you break the cookie jar?”
My answer was of course “NO”. Who the hell would cop to something they did if no one saw them do it, especially since I had a brother and a sister who could share the blame? The folks couldn’t beat all three of use, right? (I actually found out later that that assumption was “wrong”, they could beat all three of you if no one copped to the crime.)

“Do you know how fast you were going?”
“How long where you following me officer?”
“8 miles.”
“Uhhhhh, 8 miles? Uhhh, no, I have no idea how fast I was going.”
Of course, he still gave me the ticket, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to tell him that, “Yea, I knew I was going 105 mph sucka, I had it on cruise control.” (True Story! That one actually happened to me in California when I was a kid, the officer leaned in the window, tapped me on the chest and said, “You were going 65 in a 55 son, and don’t you ever let me catch you going that fast again!” It cost me $35, and I’m still grateful to that cop.)

You never tell anyone you did anything. That way they have to prove you did it. That said, did you see today where Senator Stabenow’s husband, Tom Athans, co-founder of the liberal TalkUSA Radio network, admitted to cops who had just pulled him over, that “yes, he had just had sexual relations with a prostitute”. They didn’t even have to beat him with rubber hoses or anything, he just admitted it and then they let him drive away. Taking responsibility for your actions is OK, but why tell people what your actions were if they don’t know for sure?

I’m sure his wife’s real proud about now… Can you say Dumbass?

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Posted in Idiotica (Idiot Erotica) | No Comments »

I’m The Honorary Mayor Of Idiot Town

April 2nd, 2008

By: The Mayor of Idiot Town

So, I wrote a little blurb this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property. Unfortunatly, English isn’t my native language, obviously dumb-ass is. and I quote:

The Calgary Sun is running a story this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property for the third time in one night.

No, the guy hadn’t already shot the bar owner 3 times, he had been escorted off the property three times, but only shot the bar owner once.

See, even the Mayor isn’t perfect.

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It Just Went Off… No, Really!

April 2nd, 2008

The Calgary Sun is running a story this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property for the third time in one night. The shooter is trying to convince the Judge that he didn’t mean to do it, and that the gun just went off accidentally while he was pointing it at the owner who was tossing him for the third time that night.

While shooting someone is pretty stupid, especially when you use a stolen gun to do it with. Just how stupid does this guy think the Judge and Jury are? He was kicked out of the bar twice, then left and came back to pick up his buddy. When the bar owner told him to get again, and was escorting him to the door, he pulled the sawed off rifle and it accidentally went off into the owners chest. End of story…

Who out there doesn’t believe that Adrian Walle, the shooter, who got kicked out of the bar twice already, didn’t go home, get the rifle, load it and then go back to the bar with the intentions of shooting the owner? No, really, who the hell does he think he’s kidding? Anyone have any comments on this?

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Posted in Stupid Criminals | 8 Comments »

Just So You’re On The Same Page…

April 2nd, 2008

I don’t want anyone missing the purpose of this site, so here’s the definition of IDIOT that I stole from Reference.com; just so we all know what we’re talking about.

  1. A foolish or stupid person.
  2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.

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Posted in I-D-10-Tango | 1 Comment »

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