I took my drinking test today, and passed, thank God. I think I’m the new town drunk. I answered every question correctly, and only needed one clue. Here’s my score:
That’s Mr. Mayor to you; FOOL!
… Hic, Hic…. Rallllfff. Excuse me while I puke in the gutter. LOL
My wife and I were discussing the fact tonight that we know a bunch of stuff that is going to die with us because we can’t pass it on to our kids. We can’t use the “N” word, and we can’t disparage minorities anymore, even though we are now the minority. But the biggest WTF was when we realized we wouldn’t be able to pass on all the cool shit we said when we were kids.
The block in our road is called PC, or political correctness. No longer can you say, “Fatty, fatty two by four, can’t get through the fricken bathroom door.” Since the current “Fatty” is protected because they have a medical problem that now classifies them as obese. Nor can you say, “yea, I nigger rigged it”, or “nice nigger rigging”, when someone takes some shit and puts it together with shoestrings and bubblegum. Now it’s called MacGyver, as in You MacGyvered the shit out of that….
But, we decided that the one we are going to miss the most is “Stare hard Retard!” Man I loved that one when I was a kid. It later evolved into “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer?”, but let’s be for fricken real here; “Stare Hard Retard” is a classic. It really says it all, you know what I mean, the person is staring at you with their mouth open and a little bit of drool starting to form in the corner of their mouth. They really don’t have anything to offer you other than their adoration for your good looks or prowess on the football field, and they aren’t even good looking enough to be your second string F*ck of the night. In other words, they are the guys and girls that heard “Stare hard Retard”, from the Jocks and Cheer Leaders as they drove off to the Keggers after the game.
If you were one of those people, I don’t really apologize, since you were a loser, but if your hot now, and still want an old, has been jock, drop me a line and I’ll do you now…
Man I suck. No wonder I’m Mayor of Loser Town. Wait, that’s Mayor of Idiot Town to you loser. LOL
I learned at a young age, like 4 or 5, to lie to the police or any other adults who asked me a question, when I knew a truthful answer would get me in trouble. Here are some examples:
My Mom asked me, “Did you break the cookie jar?”
My answer was of course “NO”. Who the hell would cop to something they did if no one saw them do it, especially since I had a brother and a sister who could share the blame? The folks couldn’t beat all three of use, right? (I actually found out later that that assumption was “wrong”, they could beat all three of you if no one copped to the crime.)
“Do you know how fast you were going?”
“How long where you following me officer?”
“8 miles.”
“Uhhhhh, 8 miles? Uhhh, no, I have no idea how fast I was going.”
Of course, he still gave me the ticket, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to tell him that, “Yea, I knew I was going 105 mph sucka, I had it on cruise control.” (True Story! That one actually happened to me in California when I was a kid, the officer leaned in the window, tapped me on the chest and said, “You were going 65 in a 55 son, and don’t you ever let me catch you going that fast again!” It cost me $35, and I’m still grateful to that cop.)
You never tell anyone you did anything. That way they have to prove you did it. That said, did you see today where Senator Stabenow’s husband, Tom Athans, co-founder of the liberal TalkUSA Radio network, admitted to cops who had just pulled him over, that “yes, he had just had sexual relations with a prostitute”. They didn’t even have to beat him with rubber hoses or anything, he just admitted it and then they let him drive away. Taking responsibility for your actions is OK, but why tell people what your actions were if they don’t know for sure?
I’m sure his wife’s real proud about now… Can you say Dumbass?
By: The Mayor of Idiot Town
So, I wrote a little blurb this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property. Unfortunatly, English isn’t my native language, obviously dumb-ass is. and I quote:
The Calgary Sun is running a story this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property for the third time in one night.
No, the guy hadn’t already shot the bar owner 3 times, he had been escorted off the property three times, but only shot the bar owner once.
See, even the Mayor isn’t perfect.
The Calgary Sun is running a story this morning about a guy who shot a bar owner while being escorted from the property for the third time in one night. The shooter is trying to convince the Judge that he didn’t mean to do it, and that the gun just went off accidentally while he was pointing it at the owner who was tossing him for the third time that night.
While shooting someone is pretty stupid, especially when you use a stolen gun to do it with. Just how stupid does this guy think the Judge and Jury are? He was kicked out of the bar twice, then left and came back to pick up his buddy. When the bar owner told him to get again, and was escorting him to the door, he pulled the sawed off rifle and it accidentally went off into the owners chest. End of story…
Who out there doesn’t believe that Adrian Walle, the shooter, who got kicked out of the bar twice already, didn’t go home, get the rifle, load it and then go back to the bar with the intentions of shooting the owner? No, really, who the hell does he think he’s kidding? Anyone have any comments on this?
I don’t want anyone missing the purpose of this site, so here’s the definition of IDIOT that I stole from Reference.com; just so we all know what we’re talking about.
Since I am now the Ruler of this world, I get to pass judgement on everything that I think is stupid, idiotic or without social or practical merit. Of course most politicians fall into this category, as do cell phone sales people, the IRS and that a**hole that is driving the speed limit in front of you… Everyone knows you drive at least 5 MPH over the speed limit unless your drunk, stoned, have a whole truck full of sh*t you just stole or are an Illegal Alien.
Feel free to come by now and again and share the stupid stuff that ’s happened to you and tell the world about the Idiot that made it happen. I’m going to consider this site as free mental therapy, and you are welcome to use it as a therapy session too.