(Shit boy, if you can’t even beat the crap out of a woman, you ain’t much of a man!)

According to the guys over at CelebrityMound.com:

Police responded at 4:40 a.m. and said that Cagle’s girlfriend, Jennifer Tant, 29, hit Cagle in the head with an umbrella, while Cagle, 39, struck her with a purse.

OMG, was the purse his? Is that why they tossed his ass in jail? Was the “Country Star” wandering around Nashville with a purse, and then he got arrested for assault for hitting a girl with his purse? I wonder if this will end up on his next CD; “My Life’s Been a Country Song 2″?

Have I said this yet? “What a pussy!”

Mayor of Idiot Town, and way too much of a man to hit a girl with my purse….

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What Mitch was referring to was a German article that said smart women don’t have as many orgasms because they are spending too much time thinking, while stupid women tend to have better sex and more orgasms. Hence his statement that, “A German study released today says that Paris Hilton has great sex”.

He also pointed out that Britney Spears is probably giving Paris Hilton a pretty tight race… By the way, what goes “step, breath, step, breath, step, breath, swallow, breath, step, breath etc…?

Paris talking herself through walking and breathing at the same time…

Mayor of Smartville Idiot Town, where the sex is always good for the inhabitants!

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We’ll miss you Mr. Snipes, and hope Bubba in the next bunk misses you most of the time too.

While I hate to see anyone actually pay their taxes, I bet Mr. Snipes wishes he would have now. Read the story over at the Times.

Mayor of Tax Town Idiot Town

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8 hours of community service and a reputation as being unable to hold your booze of course…

So, all together now:
“I’m a 7, your an 8,
unzip your pants before it’s too late!”

The Mayor of Golden Showerville “nwottoidI”
(IdiotTown spelled bass ackwards in salute to our friends down under!)

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Here’s a little lesson in economics before we get to the good stuff.
It’s cheaper to have a big screen television set delivered to your home, than it is to have to pay $2,000.00 to the judge for bail money for yourself and your wife, sister, grandma, cousin, daughter or whatever she is.

Oh wait, here’s another little gem you should keep in mind. Transporting minors in the trunk of your car can lead to arrest and conviction for child neglect, endangering a child and for being stupid. (OK, you caught me, they can’t really arrest you for being stupid, but they should be able to…. as long as I’m the one who gets to make the call, and not some half-wit cop with a high school diploma and a full blown case of “Little Man Syndrome”.)

But, I digress. Let’s get back to the good stuff:

According to the WBIR.com website, this is what happened, and I quote…

“A man and woman were arrested in Cumberland County Monday after putting a teenager in a car trunk to make room in the car for a television.”

Whooooooo Hoooooo, you know you be an inbred piece of sh*t if you make a human being ride in the trunk of your car so’s you can get yo TV home to the kinfolk. Yippity bee, you all’s kinfolk is angry now, not gettin to watch Mayor Jerry Springer or throw sponge bricks at that nasty “Offra” woman who’s so uppity.

Fricken White Trash Losers!

The Mayor of a Northern Town, way, far away from Tennessee!
ps. the comments on this story are funnier than the damn story. Read them HERE!

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Seriously, how stoned or desperate do you have to be to marry that kind of “Has-Been”? (I actually really want to know the answer to that question, since I want to know how to recognize that type of money grubbing hookeresque wife. LOL) (I’m sooooo, going to get me one!)

So, we are going to go ahead and post this little story under “I Married An Idiot”, just in case she wants to come forward and tell us the story. Sure it’s hard to admit you married a dork, but go ahead, it’ll make you feel a whole lot better. LOL

The Mayor of your Virginity, something you lost so long ago it’s ancient history!

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Every time the government bans the carrying of firearms in a given location, they let the crazies know that they can now go there and shoot people with less fear of retribution. In other words, if guns are outlawed in schools, and I’m a crazy, I know I can go to a school and shoot a ton of students before someone shows up with a gun. Or, put another way, banning guns doesn’t mean shit to the shooter, you dumb ass politicians, since the shooter has already made up his mind to break the law by shooting a bunch of people. WTF are you dumbasses thinking?

Here’s the Shooters line of reasoning, which is way better than the dumbasses who made the laws:

1. I’m going to shoot a bunch of people today!
2. Where should I go to shoot people today?
3. Where can I go that has the most targets?
4. Where can I go that has nobody else with a gun?
5. Where am I going to be able to run up the highest body count?

“Hey, I know, I’m going to a school, because the politicians made guns illegal there!
Uh Oh, It’s illegal to take a gun to school!”

“Oh, Wait, I don’t give a shit that it’s illegal to carry a gun onto school property because I’m already going to be breaking the law by shooting a bunch of people. I’m pretty sure I’ll get less time for the firearms conviction than I will for the 23 people I’m going to shoot…”

Holy Crap Batman, even the crazy kiddie shooters are smarter than our politicians!

Mayor of CrazyTown Idiot Town. (I’m not a politician, I’m a Dictator… I wasn’t elected!)

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Of course, it was just going to be a joke, like AdventistPorn.com. I even did a few other “Porn” sites over the years, for the fun of it, never meaning any harm to anyone. I mean com’mon, amishporn.com was going to have like a TV and a Phone on it all blurred out, and I used to have OfficialMormonPorn.com which had a Starbucks blocked out. I was even going to do a BaptistPorn.com and blur out an exposed ankle. The problem is that none of these sites really did any damage, and they were funnier than hell to me personally. I mean, what’s the harm in taking a little stab at a religion, as long as it’s in good taste? Right? But, I digress, we were talking about the Scientologists.

So, the New Zealand Herald Blog, is running a story about Tom Cruise and weed, and I’m too afraid to touch it with a 10 foot pole, so if you are interested, go on over there and read “the rest of the story”, as Paul Harvey would say.

So, welcome to my first “Foolio said What” post. I’m sure the nice lawyer guys and gals at Scientology are going to visit that poor Bast*rd in New Zealand and he will see the error of his ways. Look for the retraction, and maybe a “Foolio Changed His Story” category in the days to come. LOL

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While I’m an Alky, and scored a 97%, my wife, the drunk that she is, scored a 100% and won the Alky of the year award. Nothing like letting the world champ of boozers watch your kids. I asked her the other day what the kids were doing, and she said they were out in the garage crushing Ice and making martinis. At 4 and 7 years old, what tools were they using to crush the ice, and who was holding the ice and who was hitting it with the BFH? The whole thing made me nervous as hell until I tried her Martini; damn those kids know what they’re doing!

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FoxNews ran a story that Kathleen Turner lost in court today to Nicolas Cage. Cage Was suing Turner over allegations in her book, Send Yourself Flowers, that he stole a dog and was arrested for drunk driving a couple of times. Or, was it for ridding in a stolen car with a drunk dog? Either way, Turner lost and now has to pay an undisclosed amount of money to the charity of Cage’s choice.

What I don’t understand is why she didn’t make up a good story, like the fact that she caught him in her trailer after a shoot one time wearing her clothes, dancing with a stolen dog and drinking Tequila with a couple of male strippers. Or she could of told about the time Nicolas Cage killed her drunk dog and then stole a couple of her DUI tickets out of her glove box.

The deal is, if you’re going to tell lies, make them good, with just a hint of crazy so that the judge knows you were kidding.

See what drinking and writing will get you? Lack of creativity!

The Mayor of Stupidville IdiotTown

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